Crush..

I've seen you a couple of times

We've talked a couple times

You're interesting to me

I want to get to know you better

But I don't know how to approach you

I guess I'll just like you from afar for now

Hoping, wishing you think about me as much as I think about you.

Changes...

I'm backkkkkkkkkk!!!!!!!

Okay some things have changed since the last time:

• A lump of shit got piled on me at work since THEY FREAKIN FIRED THE OFFICE MANAGER!!! Like omfg that was stressful..
• Me & Bestie #2 had a falling out.. We're back to being ok..
• Me & Him had a falling out cuz of things that we're brought to my attention by others.. Since the week of silence has passed, we're back on good terms. Even better than before. He's treating me like I want to be treated (so far...)
• Went to the doctor today and this chick tells me she wants to put me on blood pressure medication. Like OMFG! Then she was telling me what I should eat, what I shouldn't eat, and all that.. Then I realized everything she named under the Ebony Shouldn't Eat category: I fawkin love!! So I just said F' it.. I'm gonna go back to being a vegetarian and start doing a lil exercising..
• Oh another big change: my mom is "seeing" some nigga who we haven't met yet and let me just tell you: that stomps my hide! Her ass is acting like she 20 with no kids.. No ma'am we can't have any whoreish behavior unless it's from us (Ebony & Amber), her 20 something daughters! Like she has a 13 y.o. son at home. How does it look when he looks around and Mom isn't there and it's like 12 am??? Am I the only one who sees it like that?

Anywho, I'll probably be back later to tell you guys of my birthday plans (April 13th is right around the corner) & my summer plans..

Case of the Ex…

We all have them (unless you’ve never been with anyone else or never had a significant other).. There are the good ones, who you are happy to let go with the hopes of them coming back & being even more in love then ever before. And when you think about them, you remember all the good. Then there are the bad ones where the break up was so bad, you cringe when you think about them or when someone says their name.. Just brings a bad taste to your mouth.

Ex#1: I thought he was uber cute. We had a couple of classes together in 9th grade. He was the only guy I knew in HS who had full mustache & beard. I let him have my virginity (worse idea ever!) After that we broke up. I tried to be cordial to him our 12th grade year, he sent my nice email to his then girlfriend who responded back very mean and I put that bitch in her place.. She met me the first day of school, guess she didn’t feel threatened or felt so threatened that she didn’t even speak.. Either way, he was a loser.

Ex#2: A year younger than me. So cute.. Straight thug. My mom hated him, she still does. We were off & on for the past 6 years. He is my friend, my first love, my heartache & pain but he holds a special place in my heart forever that no one can take. We still talk via snail mail cuz he’s in the pen. He still makes me feel like I mean so much to him even though he has a girlfriend that’s holding him down. When he gets out next year, he wants to do some things & me being stuck on his loving, I may just let it go down.

Ex#3: Tall, cute Dominican & black mixed.. Rapper, thug who was scared to kill.. Softest touch.. Dirtiest mutherfucka ever! (His how as filthy).. He is still like one of my very good friends. He’s the reason why whenever I hear Young Buck’s “Shorty Wanna Ride”, I laugh to myself.. We always talked about having a couple goodbye sessions, but never worked our way around to that since he had a baby & wifey at home.. He said I was the best and so far, he was one of my best.. *Goes to put Shorty Wanna Ride on my mp3 player*.

Ex#4: Cool, laid back dude. Mixed guy from my high school. He was that kid that was always in some trouble but was really smart. He was different & I liked it. He use to pick on me: pull my hair, call me stupid & fat.. Then sneak me kisses in the hallway or grab my butt.. Talk about mixed emotions. He disappeared after 11th grade. I thought about him consistently. Finally, he called me from jail wanting to see me & explain everything to me. We wrote back & forth for a while.. He wanted me to be his everything & I couldn’t handle it, so I disappeared this time. After a year and some change, I found his MySpace. Sent him a long message of why I left him so abruptly. He understood but was still heartbroken. We messed around for a couple of months last year, but then I dipped out to mess with my current guy..

Ex#5: Met him through a friend. Cool, country boy.. The nicest guy I’ve messed with thus far. A real gentleman. My mom met him & kinda fell in love with his big ass. One of the biggest dudes I’ve messed with too. He was well into the 300 pounds club. We had sex a total of 3 times and just so happened to get pregnant the last time (had a miscarriage & yes it was protected). We’re still pretty good friends. He still wants some of me, but I decline cuz I’m not into him anymore.


With all those guys, I can say that I can make 1 pretty good man.. I can take some of #1 sweetness (use to bring me candy every day), #2 lovemaking abilities, strength, penis, his love for family #3 stamina & strength, #4 his stroke game, & #5 his manners. All 5 of those different qualities could take me out any night. So far I haven’t found 1 guy that comes that close.. Between & during some these relationships, I’ve encountered some pretty good guys, some flakes, Mr, Hit it & Quit it, and some straight up wanksters! All in all I’ve enjoyed each guy in one way or another.

*NOTE: CLICK THE UNDERLINED WORDS (VIDEOS & ETC.)*

He said & I thought...

So today I was texting my main guy (you know that one who I've been "involved" with unofficially? Yeah him..)He says out of no where: I want to do what ever you want me to do to you.. I'm thinking does that include that thing you said you would only do on occassions??? He was like yeah.. So of course I got all excited.. As we kept texting, we got on the subject of who am I to you? He says, "your my starship".. I responded like funny.. but forreal? Then he says, "your a very special woman in my life". I know that but what else? "Your my shorty".

That still left a blank spot in my mind like wtf does that mean dude? So I asked a couple of friends: the female said: your unofficially his girl. I'm like cool I guess, but why couldn't he have just said you're my girl??? The male said: It pretty much means my girl or my girl of some sort.. I'm kinda between the 2 like which one does my guy mean??

I know he's scared. I'm scared too cuz I can't go too much longer just being his unofficial main chick.. There are other guys interested in making me their WOMAN, I just don't want to have those what if.. thoughts later on in life.. It's like do I stay or do I go (eventhough, I'm not really there..)

So for right now I'm staying.. I'm a lil sprung & in love (or is it lust cuz homeboy knows how to please me just right)...

1 Broken New Years Resolution…

2009 was my proclaimed year of celibacy. A year for me to find myself without the need & wanting of sex. After reviewing 2008, I realized I’ve had soooooo much sex. Yes it was all good, safe, enjoyable sex with 1 partner. But it was a lot. So around December like every year I started thinking about my 2009 resolutions of what I wanted to improve or change in my life and celibacy was a top priority. I was even so driven that I forgot to tell my partner. January 3^rd hit and he was calling because he missed his sweet stuff. To his dismay, he found out that I was keeping myself to myself. He was of course thinking I was crazy to just give sex up cold turkey, then he was upset cause he never heard anything about this plan and had no time to make up his own plan to get me to change my mind (maybe that’s why I never told him??).So of course he calmed down and tried to see it my way, then get me to see his way and try to get me to compromise. I told him, if you don’t like what I want to do, then move on. That really sent him over the top. January 4th.. He called & text me saying he needed me. All he wanted to do was hold me. My heart smiled so big that celibacy became #20 on my list of resolutions when there were only 5. He came over and showed me affection like never before.. Celibacy was the very last thing on my mind then. As he kissed and caressed me like never before, he whispered “what happened to your celibacy?” I intensely replied, “where ever you want it to be”. Then he asked, “Can I stay here, in this spot for as long as I want to, whenever I want to?” “Yes you can, I never wanted you to leave.” We had intimacy like never before. My new year’s resolution to be celibate was broken by love.